Okay you tight pants wearing, bike riding, horned rim glass donning 20-40 somethings currently looking for lodging–seriously what the fuck are you still doing in the Mission? Here’s why the Excelsior is where you need to move:
1. Clean slate-A few empty store fronts, and just enough to make it your own. Open a bike shop, Fromagerie, gourmet pizza or ice cream shop, and severely piss off the neighbors–Excelsior residents hate change even more than you guys hate people who own SUVs.
2. It’s on Mission street: Did you even know that? 3 minutes swerving on a fixie downhill to get home. But those fixed gear bikes might not make for the easiest trip out.
3. Whole Foods: Do you guys hate or love Whole Foods? Is it cool to eat organic still?
4. Cheap rent: It is cheaper. It is. And you’ll get a house. Not some closet in the Mission with no windows and no place to park your bike, or cut your hair, or hang your vintage Coca Cola T-Shirts or high shouldered cocaine snorting jacket.
5. You can talk in the bars down here. I don’t know if you guys are into that, but you can’t have self serving conversations about adding Bacon to your favorite dessert or the newest Wilco album when you can’t hear your friend’s talk.
6. My car hasn’t been broken into, yet: I guess that translates in your bike having both tires survive one night near 16th and Mission.
7. Honestly–as much as I kid–the Excelsior is great goddamn neighborhood–and in the end it’s changing–and it’s changing quickly. It has the space, it has the need, and it has the infrastructure. We even have a penis-like statue at the corner of Geneva and Mission. Come on man! Cross the 280!
And bring a coffee shop or two–perhaps a vintage clothing shop or a bike shop. Maybe even a restaurant that’s so cool I’ll never be able to eat in it. You might even make it so we can move out some of the gambling halls that are operating under the cover of being Internet Cafes. Just do me a favor and stay out of the Dark Horse before 5 on Friday so I can take my normal seat and have Friday night cocktails.
Excelsior District San Francisco! 